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10.
May
2017.
INTERVIEW PITCH: Why we shouldn't shy away from talking about death as a family

INTERVIEW PITCH: Why we shouldn't shy away from talking about death as a family

Stephanie Nimmo, journalist, blogger (www.wasthisintheplan.co.uk) and author of Was This In The Plan? due for release in September 2017 is available for interview and editorial commission during this week's Dying Matters Awareness Week (8-13 May 2017) 

"Death is not a subject we shy away from in my family. We talk very openly about funerals and where we want our ashes scattered, the conversations normally involve much laughter and debate.

We have some experience in this department.

For 12 years we lived with the certain knowledge that my youngest daughter and fourth child, Daisy, would not reach adulthood. She was born with a rare genetic condition known as Costello Syndrome and while the doctors could not put a timescale on when she would die they knew that she would not live as long as her siblings.

On hearing this news it became vital to us to really live for the moment, the thought of Daisy's death actually made us get on with living. When your life is limited and the amount of time you have together really is finite you savour every precious moment together.

Thank goodness we did, because just before Daisy's 10th birthday the unexpected happened. My husband, the father of my four children, was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Although Andy died just over a year later, we had an incredible year together, living with the certain knowledge of Daisy's premature death meant that we were already seizing the moment.

Sadly Daisy passed away earlier this year, just 13 months after her beloved daddy.

You would think that I would just want to hide under the duvet all day and not face the world, the unimaginable has happened to my family, I have lost my husband and daughter in the space of just over a year. Yes, there are days when I really don't want to face the world but I am consoled by the thought that although for all of Daisy's life we lived with the thought of her death, that made us really embrace life, live in the moment and make precious memories. Little did we know that this would help us deal with Andy's death too.

Death is the only guarantee in life. In our family we don't talk about it in hushed tones, we understand that our time here is limited and that has taught us how to live. We seize the moment and take nothing for granted.

 

Why we should talk about funerals

My husband and partner of 27 years died just before Christmas in 2015. We had four children under 18.

Andy died of cancer, he had been diagnosed 13 months previously and on diagnosis we were told that his condition was terminal. Knowing he was going to die gave us a focus to really make the most of our last months together as a family of six.

In addition it allowed Andy and I to discuss his wishes for his funeral. I still have the piece of paper we used to write down the songs he wanted played and the names of the people he wanted to speak. He wanted us to have a party, no sad faces, a good send off, a celebration of a life well lived.

Knowing his wishes helped us as we planned his funeral, it allowed us to really personalise it. It helped everyone get a lot of closure and comfort, funerals are really for the living after all. Andy was a relatively young man, he had died of a horrible disease leaving behind his wife and children but through his funeral we were able to celebrate his life. This helped us get through the months afterwards, knowing we had honoured his wishes.

When I spoke to our funeral arranger about Andy's funeral she told me that very often families come in, absolutely bereft at the loss of a loved one, even one that has lived to old age. They have never discussed funeral plans or even the prospect of death and this can make it very difficult. Trying to second guess whether to plan a cremation or a burial, a religious funeral or a secular one.

My children and I have all spoken very openly about death, it is not a subject we shy away from, it is the only guarantee in life after all.

 

--Notes to editors—

Was This In The Plan? by Stephanie Nimmo will be published on September 12th by Hashtag Press. For more information, an advance reader copy, or interview requests, please email info@literallypr.com.